Ah, there is nothing like sitting on the couch on a Sunday evening, rain pouring in the background, Superbad playing in the foreground... eating ceasar salad and baked ziti, drinking a Dr. Pepper and smokin' a jay.

Really, I earned the shit out of this moment this week.

I dunno what discoveries you guys make while doing laundry, but when you work at a bar, these are the kinds of beautiful things that find themselves in your pockets:



And I still have like 1390 more pockets to look through.

I should do laundry more often.

Dude I couldn't care less about this woman, outside of her amusing state of mind; but I really need to pose this question.

WHY doesn't she feel an obligation to address her recent actions to the public? I mean, I really don't give a shit why she held her kid hostage and things. It really doesn't make a difference to me, I think she's a totally voluntary trainwreck anyway.

But why aren't her fans getting pissed off yet? They gave her that massive house, they made her what she is; why aren't they demanding some answers from this chick? I gots ta know!

... I think it's fuckin' China:

Chinese Sub Pops Up Undetected Near U.S.S. Kitty Hawk During Exercise

An unexpected visit by a Chinese Submarine that went undetected in the middle of a Pacific Ocean Naval exercise and came extremely close to the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk, has American military chiefs looking for answers.

The sub was apparently able to slip past at least a dozen U.S. warships, two U.S. submarines and a vast array of advanced technology, which failed to detect it.

When the Navy deploys a battle fleet on exercises, they take the security of the aircraft carriers very seriously. At least a dozen warships are used to provide a physical guard, and using advanced technology they are able to detect and deter any potential intruders.

By the time the Chinese sub surfaced, the 160ft Song Class diesel-electric attack submarine sailed within viable range for launching torpedoes or missiles at the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk, a 1,000ft. super carrier with 4,500 military personnel on-board.

According to senior NATO officials, the incident caused a sense of sudden fear in the U.S. Navy, as officials realized the seriousness of the encounter. The U.S. apparently had no idea just how sophisticated China’s fast-growing submarine fleet had become, or that they even posed such a threat.

Analysts believe that China was sending a message to the United States and the West by demonstrating their rapidly growing military capability to threaten foreign powers that might try to interfere in their own “backyard.”

The U.S. Navy and Nato are now forced to re-think their strategy, and reconsider the level of threat posed from potentially hostile Chinese submarines.

I like to pretend like my superhero powers can shrink my sister's head Beetlejuice style!


Sometimes we're normal. Rarely. But sometimes.


All work and no play makes the Garcia sisters go sleepy.

I was, at the very least, semi productive this weekend.

I took Brother Bear a bath because his dingle berries were beginning to set a world record. We've decided we want him all rugged and shaggy so we can give him mohawks and dye his fur for the holidays... but this decision comes with a hefty price. Dingleberries, despite their fun reputation, are not the highlight of my day.

So I bathed him and took him to the park where we ran around in the grass and exhausted ourselves. He is currently dreaming about banging a Sister Bear or something, on the couch next to me. Did I tell you he's starting to become a man? Yeah his little lipstick comes out and everything, it's the worst part of mommyhood ever. Totally over it already.









I am so so so in love with the idea of focusing all my energy on photography, you have NO idea. I've got 3 models already asking me to shoot with them.. and it's great, really. I'm loving the fact that corporate America has been eradicated from my life, and even though I'm poor... I'm beginning to get that this is what I was born to do. This is it, my friends.

I really need to shower now. I may or may not have rolled around in dog shit.

I've decided that I want to start pursuing photography as a profession. I'm going to be working nights at a bar, (starting off as a cocktail waitress at first, but I'll be training for bar tending) and I'll have countless days to do absolutely nothing with my time. So I thought.. this will complete me. I'll get to do what I love during the day, and NOT have to rely on it as my sole income.

My biggest fear in doing photography for a living was that I would grow to resent it and eventually HATE it if I wasn't able to survive on it. Now I can survive on drunks and just have fun with photography. And maybe even make a little profit.

Does anyone know how I can put together an online portfolio, free? I know it's probably a stretch, but there must be SOMETHING out there.

Please advise. :)

Halloween was cool. I was Wendy!



The roomie was a suicidal emo somethin-er-other.


I had a little rubber cheese burger that really tied the whole ridiculous thing together.

We forced T to be a "European Traveler" (read: Borat?).


He was not fond of this and quickly decided to remove all costume devices.


Good times. I have a migraine. Bye.

So I think I should just have been born with blonde hair so that I would just be able to easily dye it blue and purple and red, because.. really.. I deserve it. Somehow, someway.. I deserve it. I deserve to be like Clementine.



I dunno... I hug them, too.


What's the fuckin' point, if you can't laugh at yourself?


Remember "The Crush"? He calls this the "Come fuck me" stare. I like.



Yep. Pretty fuckin' bright, man. I wanna be like Clementine!

Reply to this post with your birthdays (include your year of birth, biatches). I've been studying Numerology, I want to tell you about your soullll.

If you have a significant other, and have their birthdays, reply with that too. I can tell you about how well you match, blah blahbitty blah.

I've been doing it all weekend, I have discovered the source of all my failed relationships! It's amazing. Respond, respond!!!

Yay or nay on getting a nose piercing? And if yay, regular nose or septum? I can't decide which one I like best, or if I like them at all.

I hear your voice calling out to reach me,
Then all is calm and clear.
I feel no pain when you hold me,
Pull me in and draw me near.
I see your eyes of hazy blues
But oh so clear, sincere and true
And I feel brand new, new, new, new

Come fill my senses up with you
You've turned the jaded into new
Come fill my senses up with you
Love would be senseless without you
Come fill my senses up with you
You, you, you, you, you, you

There was a time when love was blind
Love lost and all at sea
Love came in dreams and waves
Came and went away from me
All forsaken
All forlorn
All mistaken
Feel no scorn
And then you pulled me from the darkness
And I see things new, new, new, new

Come fill my senses up with you
You've turned the jaded into new
Come fill my senses up with you
Love would be senseless without you
Come fill my senses up with you
You, you, you, you, you, you

Come fill my senses up with you
You've turned the jaded into new
Come fill my senses up with you
Love would be senseless without you
Come fill my senses up with you
You, you, you, you, you, you

Come fill my senses up with you
You, you, you, you, you, you
You, you, you, you, you, you
You, you, you, you, you, you
You, you, you, you, you, you

What's the men's apparel brand name that features that ugly F on the shirts?

Ok everyone. I have a request. It's not often that I make requests, so come on. Do it for little old me.

I want postcards. I want mass amounts of postcards. You can make them yourselves, purchase one at your local tourist trap, or have your little brother or sister crap it out; I really don't care. I don't care how the postcard method is achieved, just get me postcards. Like actual ones, that say things, or that have things drawn or painted on them.

I'll send you something in return, too. I'll figure something out.

I am going to put together some artwork for my walls. My current abode is very neutral, very "Adultish". To hell with that, it's boring! Instead, I want vibrant colors and artwork made specifically by friends and family. So I'm recruiting you all to decorate my new house in Phoenix, Arizona. Make it happen!

I think I'd have to be completely learning deficient to post my address here. So instead, if you plan on participating in this amazing event... email me and I'll give you my address. Yes? Yes.

asmonasays@aol.com

Also, those of you who live in Miami; you're fucked. You are obligated to participate. I know where you live, I will come shank you. Make it happen!

<3

I've been thinking about writing this post for some time now. I've been meaning to put it off for a little while longer, because I knew it would leave me in tears. And really, who wants to be left in tears? Who would knowingly put themselves in a situation like that? Kite by U2 is on, and if you've ever heard that song, you know that when that song is on you'll definitely put yourself in a situation where you'll knowingly be left in tears. It's like hypnosis.

This post that I'm about to make, which will leave me in tears, is about my best friend.

Very often I hear people refer to "many friends" as their best friends. I look at my own great friends and smile when they refer to me, or me as part of our group, as a best friend. I have even said my greatest friends are my best friends on occasion. It's very common for groups of people to refer to themselves as an entirety as "best friends". Multiple people are often awarded that title within the life of just one person. All the time, this happens. But the truth is:

I only have one.
I have one best friend.

I waited 23 years, and in my whole life I've had GREAT friends.. but I've only ever had one best friend.
And really, she is the best kind of friend.

My best friend knows that when I'm listening to "Longest Day of the Year" by Jason Mraz, I'm sad. Without ever having to ask, look at me, or even know the history behind the sadness, my best friend automatically knows there's a problem.

My best friend and I look forward to every single Wednesday, as if we haven't seen each other in months, because every Wednesday I will be sitting on her bed with her; talking about boys, laughing about our experiences, and watching So You Think You Can Dance. Religiously.

My best friend knows just what to say, to talk me out of being completely self destructive. Without ever interjecting her opinion, or approval (or lack thereof) of my actions, she aways finds a way to make sure that I do what is right and just. She would never, ever, steer me wrong, even if it was in her best interest to do so. Like when I asked her if I should move, and knowing that I would take her advice, instead of telling me to stay, she said I should go.

She knows that I rarely cry. And because she knows this, my best friend knows that if I cry in front of her, staring at me makes me extremely nervous. I've never had to tell her this. She just automatically knows to look forward, listen to me, and let me get it all out before trying to console me.

My best friend has the perfect man already planned for me. We've never seen him before, but she can describe him like she sees him every day. She can even tell you about the ridges in his fingernails. My best friend has built the perfect man just for me, because she truly only wants for me to be completely happy one day.

She has my mother in her top friends on Myspace. That, in itself, gets its own bullet!

I only ever have to tell my best friend something one time, and she'll never forget it. I can not remember a time I've ever had to tell her the same story twice. She remembers details about events, situations and people in my life that I couldn't give the slightest bit of recognition. My best friend truly listens to what I say to her.

My best friend knows that when I smile for no reason, I'm thinking about a specific person; and she always knows exactly which person it is. On that note, she knows exactly what all of my facial expressions mean. I never have to tell her how I feel about a person or a situation, because if she can see my face she already knows.

She is strong, and almost never breaks; but my best friend knows that all she has to do is say the word, and I will get in my car and drive to wherever she is. Even if only to say "I'm here". I'm not nearly as strong. I break all the time. But in the time that I have known my best friend, I have never once been broken alone.

I can go on and on. Truth be told, I have another 20 or 30 of these facts that I can lay on real thick just to further emphasize just how amazing my best friend really is. (And she really is.) But I think the point I really wanted to make is that my best friend is the epitome of what a best friend should be. She's my soul mate, she's my sister. She is everything I aspire to be in a good human being. Despite all my imperfections, character flaws, and horrible mannerisms to boot; my best friend truly loves me. And I truly... truly love her too.

Yeah. I missed it.



Lip piercing, take two.

Do I have any friends in Los Angeles?

I'm going to be there in September. Let's get together and do LA-ish things, or something. Please advise.

If the Police came to your town... and you didn't go see them, not because you couldn't get tickets, but because you didn't want to... you have a serious mental deficiency, and should seek help immediately.

That was the most amazing concert I've ever been to in my life!!!!!!

I just had to call the cops, dude.

You know society is going to shit when you walk outside to go to lunch, and laying on the sidewalk is a man. He's not standing there, or sitting there.. no, he is SPRAWLED out on the sidewalk; unconscious.

I stop, and I look at him. I observe the fact that he is old and he looks homeless. Perhaps this is why people are just walking right past him? I begin to do the same, probably because every one else is doing it. I swear, it was like there was a dead bird on the side of the road or something... people wanted to SEE it, but they didn't even THINK to do anything to help the situation.

I got in my car and called the cops. Hello, he could have been dead. He wasn't moving, he had been there for a while... no one had even BOTHERED asking him if he needed help.

It really pisses me off. It does. It really fucking upsets me that dozens of people can walk down a pretty well-populated street, see a homeless man LAYING unconscious by the side of the road... and not one person thought to take the initiative to help. It's not like he was laying up against a building, or was covered by a blanket or SOMETHING to indicate he was sleeping. He was fucking unconscious, on a sidewalk, 6 inches from the side of the road where he could EASILY have been hit by a vehicle.

For fuck's sake.

In all likelihood, he probably WAS sleeping. But still, what if he had a stroke, or what if he's sick or dehydrated? Jesus. What if he ACTUALLY needed help? The homeless don't get help, they're required to just die on the side of the street; and stay there until their corpses start to stink?

My God.

It really is amazing.


Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you, around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you, they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking

No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet, and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream, if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you, around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you, they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

So I just put my arms around you, around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you, they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
my arms around you, they're around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong

My eyes are on you, they're on you
they're on you

Do any of you have Facebook? If so, add me! Search for Glexi Garcia, or asmonasays@aol.com. Thanks biatches.

Three things:

1. This is the best vacation ever!!!
2. I am tanned as well as sunburned, and that is SUCH a weird-looking combination.
3. I boogie boarded ALL DAY, and got my ASS KICKED by a number of uncooperative waves. My KNEES look like that of an unfortunate 12 year old tomboy.

Off to Pleasure Island!!

p.s. I am pretty sure I'm getting a new tattoo this week!

Who else saw that totally random post on ohnotheydidnt and subsequently googled the term "lerff"??

Because seriously, I want in on the joke.

Last night I dreamed I lost all my teeth. It started with one of 'em just dropping right the hell out of my mouth while I was talking to my mom, and then before I knew it I was completely toothless. Actually, correction... I had two left.

It was gross, they were like.. DETAILED teeth.. with root and all. What the hell kind of a dream is that, anyway.

I lost at LEAST 332432 teeth. They just kept coming.

I know this means something specific. I have this dream a lot, although this time I actually woke up scared. Isn't that strange?

Oh. And Marcia Cross has to be the single most beautiful woman in the world.